|
Silly Who? ~ The Newsletter
|
|
Greetings from YoBo! I'm on the east coast again. As I poured my cup of coffee (yeah, yeah, yeah -- I know I said I stopped drinking coffee) I stared out the window at trees covered with leaves. Exactly one month ago I stood at that same window (pouring a cup of tea, not coffee) and the trees were bare. In fact I was standing at the same window last November when the leaves fell from the trees. I looked at the trees and thought about a woman I met last Friday at the Denver airport. She married young. Two years later she realized that her husband was verbally abusive and an adulterer. She chose to do nothing. She tolerated 40 years of abuse and 20 affairs before she was ready to let it go. She told her six adult children the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Her two daughters said if she took the abuse and affairs for 40 years she ought to be able to take some more. Her four sons said that if dad sought affection in the arms of other women then mom needs to figure out where she went wrong. Her husband said he loves her and please baby, baby please give me one more chance, that's all I ask of you and I promise that everything will be okay this time if you will only forgive me [again]. I said go get an HIV test. The whole family has ganged up on her. Oh yeah -- he also turned their church against her because in his effort to tarnish her name, he failed to tell his church members the part about his inablity to keep his zipper closed. The loss of her family has created a void in this woman's life. She admitted, "I'm afraid but I refuse to live that way any longer." It has been six months and she has not budged. Now her husband is suggesting that she see a shrink. I took the liberty of suggesting that she buy a bottle of arsenic and set it on the kitchen table between the salt and pepper. She chuckled and said God sent me to her that day; I don't know about all that but I do know that I did not wake up with plans to be in the Denver airport. Real change cannot begin until you stop making excuses. Sometimes you have to muster up enough courage to "do you" -- even if that means letting go of whatever is nearest and dearest to your heart. This woman has chosen her sanity over her family. She didn't even put up a Christmas tree last year. One of the children texted her the day we were in the airport to ask when she would be cooking Sunday dinner. That used to be a family tradition - the adult children and the grandkids would come over twice a month for "Sunday dinner" and she and her husband would pretend to be such a happy couple. She let that go too. I pointed out that her married children are probably not as happy as they pretend to be either - because that's what most married people do. Meanwhile back at prayer meeting the single women are praying for husbands and mad at God because they want to live happily ever too. When they finally get what the married couples REALLY do have, ain't nobody happy but the divorce lawyers. Y'all don't have to say 'amen' because I know I'm telling the truth… My sister Gail and I had a conversation about this woman Sunday while I was sipping my hot coffee and she her iced coffee (yeah, yeah, yeah -- that was my second cup in a two days ... actually my fourth cup in four days but I'm not counting). I said, "People know they are in a bad situation and yet they refuse to let it go." Gail saw things differently: "Although they know the situation is bad, they believe they can fix it." She went on to admit, "I did the same thing in both my marriages. I was convinced that I could fix what was wrong." Fortunately for my sister, it took less than 40 years for her to accept the truth. And in some cases, the truth might be that YOU are the problem (because I know my husband is married to a crazy woman!) Before the churchy folk get mad let me explain that I am not advocating divorce. I am simply saying that when we get the first hint that a situation is not what it should be [whether it involves your marriage, children, church, boss, pimples, checking account, and/or dirty dishes in the sink] we must be willing to do something. And let the record reflect that doing nothing is also a choice. As I type these words I am looking in the mirror and wondering how my butt got so big. Unlike the rest of y'all who choose to live in denial, I don't make excuses. I am perfectly willing to do something to reduce the size of my back side ... just not today because we're having tacos, peach cobbler and French vanilla ice cream for dinner. I'd better look out the window again; that view is much better. Ahhhhhhhh!!! Hey, I think I took a picture of one of the trees last month. I did! I'm going outside to take a picture of the same tree as it looks today and include both photos with this message. See -- the photo on the left shows a bare tree and budding tree. One month later the trees are covered in new leaves. My dearest readers, we don't always have to fix everything; most times all we need to do is be like a tree and just let it go.... 
 |
 |
